I’ve been feeling useless recently. I find it really hard when people ask what I do. What do I do?
I’m not making any money. I don’t have a career. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Most days I’m okay with this – I look to God and trust that He has a plan for me. That even though I don’t know what I’m going to do, He does. Other days I’m totally not okay with this. I have a complete mental breakdown when I think logically. I calculate numbers in my head. I look around at my friends and feel like burying myself in shame. I look back at 18 year-old Mieke who thought she had it all planned out and I want to cry.
Why am I not succeeding yet? When, if ever, will I finally succeed?
There are days when having faith is really hard. My friends, those are the days that you need to preach to yourself. No matter what it takes – a YouTube video of Joyce Meyer, and extra hour in the Bible or a whole day of prayer – you need to start fighting those doubts the second they start to enter your train of thoughts. You need to remind yourself that God is faithful and He loves you and He has a plan and a purpose for you and He has you exactly where He wants you. You need to stop yourself from placing Him in a box.
In the middle of my wonderful breakdown today, God lead me to Jennie Allen. She’s an incredible writer – a blogger and author. She wrote a post about how four years ago she prayed a prayer that changed her life. With her husband, she prayed to God for anything.
“We opened our entire lives up to anything God had for us. Any risk. Any country. Any act of obedience. Any dream God had for us. Anything”
Today I’m praying to my Lord my Savior for anything. I’m praying my little heart out for even the tiniest glimpse of anything He has for me.
My hands are open and my heart is ready for anything.