It feels as if I haven’t done one of these honest, “what’s going on in my head/heart” blog posts in a while. I think it’s because I haven’t actually had the time to sit down and think about what actually is going on in my head/heart. I feel as though life is happening very fast for me all of a sudden.
I’m twenty-two and I’m getting married in six months. I’ll be moving out of my parent’s home for good this time – I won’t be back in three years time with a useless degree in my hand. I’m attaching myself to another human being for life. That’s pretty serious stuff, isn’t it?!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% excited and ready to marry the love of my life. But at times I wonder, am I really ready for this?
If you have been reading here for a while, you’d know that I gave up a job back in January to pursue what I truly believe is God’s will for my life. I started my blog and I’ve totally committed myself to the church. It’s without a doubt the best thing I have ever done in my life. To think how far God has brought me in the past 11 months is hard to fathom.
My blog has been my safe place, and if I think about it for too long I actually get emotional. It isn’t about the ‘statistics page’ for me any more. It’s become about the people who read what I write on here. It’s about the messages I receive from readers who have said that my blog has impacted or encouraged them in some way. Whenever someone tells me something like that, my heart breathes a sigh of relief and I always think this is why God wanted me to do it.
For the past six months I have also been leading the youth of our church alongside Bradley, which has so far been our biggest adventure together. We have learned and grown so much, both individually and as a couple. There have been the occasional moments where I questioned ourselves in this position, but every time God showed up and poured an ocean sized bucket of peace over any doubts.
And now that we’re about to step into this next season of life, a massive part of me does feel like a deer in the headlights. I think how are we going to do all of this? On paper, Bradley and I don’t look good. On paper, we’re not going to afford somewhere to rent near Oxford, let alone the mortgage we’re dreaming about. On paper, we’re not going to get far.
But this week, just as He’s done time and time again, God reminded me that He is my provision. He told me to take my eyes off of the earthly things, and fixate them on my Heavenly Father.
He pointed me to Matthew 6:25-34.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than them? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like on of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the flied, which is here today and tomorrow thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you – you of little faith? So do not worry, saying “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I don’t know how we’re going to do it, but I know that my God does and I’m excited to see what He’s got planned.