I feel like I’m meeting up with a long lost friend as I sit by my desk to write this post. I even have my cup of tea freshly brewed and sat beside me, because what catch-up would this be without any tea?
So let me first start by explaining my disappearance act for the past few months. For 2017 so far, life has been a busy flurry that’s just swept me from one place to an other. So much so, that I get dizzy at the thought of how much has happened.
First of all, I have finally written the book I’ve had in my heart for the past couple of years. It took me about five to six months to write, from planning to editing the final piece. Admittedly, it was so much harder to do than I had originally expected but I feel as though it was such an important learning curve for me, both spiritually and for my writing.
Since finishing the book, I’ve been researching and applying to literary agencies so that I can take my book from being on a word document on my trusty little laptop, to sitting on bookshelves in book stores (or digital bookshelves on Kindles, for that matter).
I know a long journey awaits me with the publication and selling of my book, so I’m not fully excited just yet. I’m preparing myself for being rejected and building up a world of patience and resilience. I’m trusting that God has a plan, even though I can’t see it for myself just yet.
Another big change in my life was having to wave goodbye to my lovely parents at Heathrow Airport just over a week ago. If you know me personally at all, you’ll know that both my Mum and Dad are my best friends in the whole world. I’ve barely gone a day without speaking to them, whether it was in person or over Facetime. Now they’ve started a new adventure in South Africa, which is both exciting and terrifying. They have somewhat limited access to Wifi, meaning that our lengthy daily conversations have been cut down to a bare minimum.
Those are the two big things that have been the real focal point of my last few months. But what I really wanted to write today’s post about was about a (very, very, very, very) tiny health scare I had about two weeks ago now. Abdominal pain in my side left me vomiting and feverish. Everyone’s initial thought was that I had appendicitis, but I’m beyond relieved to say that it wasn’t. We’re still unsure of exactly what it was, but we don’t think it’s anything serious. But that’s not the important part of this post…
I had to spend 24 hours in hospital, which for me, is basically the biggest deal ever. I’m the girl who can’t sit through an episode of Grey’s Anatomy because the sight of someone bleeding or lying on a hospital bed makes me feel woozy. So being in hospital myself, with my blood being taken every few hours and an IV drip inserted into my arm, had me fully believing that I was on my death bed. I felt lonely and found myself questioning everything. If you hadn’t gathered already, I’m quite the drama queen, and at the time I even knew I was being completely OTT about the whole situation.
But right there, in the middle of the night, I felt God’s presence fill me with such a force that I was brought to tears (happy tears this time, not the squeamish/freaking out in hospital ones). His peace and love wrapped itself around my heart like the most delicate of ribbons. It astounded me that in the midst of my silliness and over-the-top moment, He could still find a way to calm my soul. He still cared.
It reminded me of John 11, the story of Lazarus.
Lazarus was so unwell that his sisters knew that he was about to die. They sent out for Jesus to come and see him, for they knew that He was able to heal him. They’d heard and seen for themselves Jesus’ miracles.
John 11:4 – When Jesus heard about Lazarus being sick, he said, “This sickness will not end in death.”
Jesus knew then exactly how the story was going to end, so what happens next is absolutely incredible.
John 11:17 – On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.
John 11:21 – “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
John 11:33 – When Jesus saw Mary weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.
John 11:35 – Jesus wept.
Jesus was moments away from raising Lazarus from the dead. He was about to bring a whole new world of joy to these people. He knew that a huge celebration was about to be held for one of His greatest miracles yet. But even still, Jesus was moved by their tears. Their sorrow brought Him sorrow.
With tears filling his eyes and streaming down his cheeks, Jesus joined Lazarus’ friends and family in mourning. His grief was tangible, strong and powerful, even though He knew the outcome.
So even though He knew I was totally fine and healthy, God was able to see my anxious heart in that hospital room. He understood exactly what I was feeling and why, even if it was dramatic. He also understands how I feel about my parents moving across the world. Just as He knows where I’m at emotionally when it comes to the publication of my novel.
He knows the outcome of all of these things, and even though they may come across small and pathetic to the majority of people other than myself, the God of the Heavens and the Earth understands. And isn’t that just so beautiful in itself? That our creator is so mighty yet so loving and caring.
He’s present in each of our journeys, empathetic and understanding with every step that we all have to take.
I hope you’re able to make sense of my Wednesday morning ramblings, and I pray that it brings you peace in wherever you are in life now too. You’re never alone with our God. He’s good and so, so, so faithful.
Ps, I missed you!