I have been obsessed with love ever since I can remember.
I grew up with love. I watched my parents love each other every day. I read hundreds of love stories and pretended to be my very own Disney princess, dancing with my prince. I watched romance films just desperate to see the happy ending, hoping that they will fall so completely and totally in love after their magical kiss.
I dreamed of love all the time. It actually helped me get to sleep – dreaming of the day I’d wear the prettiest white, lacy dress with a long train behind me, walking down the aisle to the man of my dreams, whose eyes would look at me with nothing but love.
I dreamed about how we’d dance. He would take my hand and twirl me around, pulling me in close, whispering how much he loves me. And my heart would melt then and there as I stepped into my happily ever after.
I don’t know if every other girl was this obsessed, but I definitely was 100% in love with the idea of being in love.
When I got older, around 18, I started to wonder why no one had fallen in love with me yet. Why hadn’t I had my magical kiss or even a glimpse of a happily ever after yet.
My obsession with love compared to my reality left me feeling lonely. The lack of love in my life left me empty. So when the boy who said I was pretty, funny and the ideal girl came along, I opened the door of my heart with the biggest welcome and no questions asked. I let him in and told him to make himself totally at home.
He gave me love, or so I thought, but only for a while. His love ran out and so he walked away, leaving the door open behind him.
I felt small. I looked around my heart and felt insignificant and so, so small. I cried myself a little puddle, that over time turned into an ocean of sadness.
The smaller I felt, the smaller my heart started to shrink. The door was still open, with the cold, bitter breeze from outside blowing in. It was quick to remind me of how empty I really was.
Rejection, disappointment and anxiety sneaked in through the open door. They made themselves comfortable in my heart. They were living in my every day, slowly growing strength and taking over my thoughts.
Then one day I finally found what I was looking for. He met me in my cold, dark and empty heart. He found me there in the corner, looking lost and confused. He took my hand and helped me to my feet. He drew me in close, slowly whispering love into my ears. He turned on the light and illuminated my heart with his steadfast and faithful love. He shunned away the disappointment and completely trampled over any fear.
He put His arms around me and said, “I am here. I have always been here”.
I cried and I cried as he started to dance with me, twirling me effortlessly with his gentleness. My dress sparkled in the light as we were dancing for the whole world to see.
I found my Love and I’ll be holding on to Him forever.