I haven’t posted a ‘Relationship Post’ in 4 months – oops. Writing about relationships is definitely the hardest out of all of the categories. Love and relationships are a really sensitive topic. I mean, it’s probably one of the most important aspects of people’s lives and I don’t want to hurt people or make them question their own lives with my words.
I think that’s why I only post a relationship blog post when I really feel like something is on my heart and I know that God is leading the way.
I normally always get a friend (one of my brutally honest ones, who don’t mind telling me the cold, hard truth) to read through it too, just so that I know what I have written makes sense and speaks truth.
For a while I’ve been thinking about what makes a healthy relationship. I wrote a post several months ago called Keeping The Relationship Sailing. It was a post that I worked really hard on and I was over the moon when people seemed to really like it.
Today I want to write about arguments in a relationship.
Is it normal to argue with my other half?
Yes. Totally normal. Your relationship isn’t ‘failing’ if you have an argument. It takes two people to have a relationship, and unfortunately neither of those people will ever be perfect. We all have our own issues and flaws and we certainly all make mistakes.
Some people are more argumentative than others, bare that in mind too.
For example, Bradley and I both have very calm personalities. We’re both people-pleasers, so we hate (and try really hard to avoid) upsetting anyone especially each other. This means that we don’t really have any arguments. We have the odd heated-discussion over silly things, but when things get serious we’re quick to see the other person’s opinion, forgive and move on.
On the other hand, I know couples who argue all the time. They bicker and nip at each other on a daily basis. But I know how strong their relationship is – you can see how much they love each other. Their personalities are just completely different to mine and Bradley’s.
When are arguments unhealthy in a relationship?
When your other half is leaving you feeling empty and questioning your worth – that’s when something isn’t right. How they talk to you and treat you says a lot about how much they respect you. And respect is key to a healthy relationship – mutual respect for one another, that is.
If you’re dating someone who gets angry and irritable really easily, to the point where it’s making you feel uncomfortable, I would strongly advise you to end the relationship. Don’t marry or commit your life to someone who takes their anger out on you. Think long-term about them as your other-half. Think about the children you may have with them one day – do you want them being brought up with a parent who displays anger (whether it’s verbal and/or physical) as an answer to a problem? Do you ever want you and your family to feel unsafe in your own home?
Invest in your own life, and your future children’s lives. Pick out your other-half with wisdom. Look for someone who will love you, even in the difficult seasons. Someone who will look after and care for you when you’re struggling to do so yourself. Someone who will encourage, support and lift you up in your faith. Someone in whom you can confide everything and anything.
If you don’t feel like your relationship is healthy when you’re dating, it’s very unlikely that it will be healthy when you’re married. If you’re struggling with regular arguments before marriage, then take the time to question how it will work when you do eventually step into that covenant.
Loving someone else is a responsibility. It’s dying to self. It’s thinking of and putting someone else’s needs above your own. It’s not always guaranteed to be sunshine and rainbows. So think carefully and be so prayerful about who you choose to commit yourself to.