In 75 days it will be our wedding day. It doesn’t feel real yet. I keep saying to myself ‘after this happens, it will start to feel like we’re actually getting married’, and that when that has happened, there’s something else. I’m starting to wonder if it will ever feel real. Maybe after the big day? Or a year after the big day? Who knows!
We have pretty much everything sorted now, minus some minor details (like the order of service, and table plans etc). Our invites are out – we’ve heard back from most people. Our flowers have been picked. Our photographers have been booked. Our chairs and our fairy lights have been ordered. My dress is almost finished (only one more dress fitting to go!). My hair and make-up have been organised. We’ve bought our wedding rings. The honeymoon has been booked (Bradley’s going to surprise me after the wedding day – how cute?!).
I feel like everything is almost ready to go, apart from my mind. I keep wondering should we have chosen that? Wait, should we still do this? Oh but what if this fails? Will I regret having that? Have I invited the right people? What if that part is really awkward? Have I thought about everything? Am I missing something? What if people get really bored? What if my skin breaks out the day before? What if I stress-eat and can’t fit into my wedding dress? What if, what if, what if, what if, what if!?!
It’s as if time is zooming ahead of me, and I’m running behind trying to make it slow down. And I reckon if the wedding was 6 months later, or even a year later, I’d still feel the same way. This is the day I’ve been dreaming of since I was a little girl! I just want it to be so perfect without any regrets.
Yesterday, when I was thinking about all of it I realised that if I keep thinking this way, I probably will end up regretting something. I’ll regret not enjoying these last two months of planning the little details. I’ll regret being stressed out about pointless what-if’s and not focusing on the actual end goal. I’ll be too busy wondering what could go wrong on the day, instead of loving every second of marrying my best friend.
I realised that I don’t want my wedding day to be about the pretty fairy-lights, how cute the flower-girl is, potential rain or clouds, my dad’s speech, or who walked down the aisle at the right speed.
I want it to be about mine and Bradley’s love for each other. I want it to be about God, who will be smiling at us because He knows the plans He has for us as a married couple. I want it to be about our friends and family, who have all played a part in our love for each other. I want it to be about saying I do and promising a forever with the one my heart loves. I want it to be about thanking and glorifying my God for bringing this man into my life at just the right time.
So, I’m working on that – focusing on what’s really important and what’s really not. We have 75 days to go, and I’m going to love every second of the build-up.